So you just started seeing a new guy. It’s early and you’re still getting a feel for him; trying to figure out what his motives and intentions are with you, but it’s clear you do like him. A few outings and couple weeks later, you start meeting his friends and immediately you notice many of them are female. Now you feel mildly threatened because you don’t know the details of these “friendships”. But, should this even be a concern?
I’ve never understood why a guy who has “a lot” of female friends is usually labeled as promiscuous. It wouldn’t be an issue if his dating life wasn’t impacted as a result. But in my experiences, it is affected quite often. Prime example: I was in a relationship and my girlfriend was out of town one weekend. One of my boys was in town with his girlfriend and they begged me to go out with them, but who likes being a dreaded third-wheel? Certainly not I, so I found a friend (female, platonic) to accompany us. My girlfriend called later that evening, asking where I was and with whom. I told her the truth, but the problem was she knew nothing of my friend and that was when the fight began.
The argument ensued and she insisted I was out on a “double date”. If anytime two guys are out with two women, regardless of their relationship, is considered a double date, then I was guilty as charged. In reality, interactions between the two sexes and each person’s intentions should determine if a “date” is actually taking place. I explained how the outing was innocent; neither I nor my friend intended to do anything other than enjoy each other’s company. Of course she wasn’t hearing that, though. She referenced my “many females” and then is when I knew the issue she had stemmed deeper than just one girl she didn’t know.
I’ve found at times people emphasize irrelevant points and lose sight of the relevant ones. Rather than obsessing over how many friends a guy has, why not get to know his friends? Sometimes, friends reveal the best information; things your mate wouldn’t otherwise disclose. Things that may allow you to see him from a different perspective. Things that will help you to better determine whether or not he is the one for you.
Question: Why do women constantly ask questions to which they don’t really want an answer? Before I continue, let me be more specific: why do women constantly ask questions to which they don’t want an honest answer? Whether it’s regarding their appearance, or a question about their companion’s whereabouts, women are almost never satisfied with the answers they’re given.
Think back to a time when one of your home girls asked for your opinion. She’s going out on a date and has spent the last hour and half doing her hair, deciding on the perfect outfit and applying her makeup. When finished, she presents herself to you and poses the infamous question: “how do I look?” At first glance, you see her and think to yourself her hairstyle is weak, her outfit is tacky and too revealing, and her makeup simply looks messy. But of course, you can’t verbalize ANY of this without getting into her feelings. Even when you find a pleasant way to express how you feel, she takes offense to it. Why bother asking if you aren’t willing to accept a bit of constructive criticism? I don’t get it…
What about a time when she came to you to vent and seek advice about a guy she was seeing. She begins to tell you how he has changed. You notice how his behavior has become erratic as she cites examples of how he’s withdrawn from her. Suddenly, he doesn’t have much time to spend with her, he receives phone calls and text messages after hours from his newly found female “friends”, he ignores his phone when she calls, and has just become increasingly cold and inconsiderate towards her. You suggest he may be seeing someone else, and to no surprise, she immediately gets on the defense. Obviously, no one wants to hear about someone cheating on them, but it’s apparent she already considered this to be the case. As you draw connections from his behavioral patterns to the possibility that he’s cheating, she challenges you by making lame excuses for his conduct. Again, if you didn’t want the advice or a second opinion, why ask for it?
I have a friend who’s notorious for creating these “no-win” types of scenarios; posing questions and expecting certain answers. She knows me well enough to know if you ask me a question, I’ll always give you MY opinion. The minute she begins probing me for her desired response, I simply shut down and allow her to think to herself for a moment. I’ve realized most women don’t enjoy talking so much as they enjoy conversing. The moment a woman realizes the dialogue has ended will be the moment she’s able to think openly and take your words seriously. Granted, she may not like or agree with you, but underneath it all, she will appreciate your honesty.
One year, a young man was given a unique writing utensil and a notebook as a gift. Initially, he knew nothing of using these objects and therefore didn’t appreciate them. It was apparent his desire to read had diminished, so it perplexed him to receive a present of this caliber. However, he knew it was given to him for a reason; his job was to figure out why.
He began to search for his outlet; a way to put his gifts to good use. Reading wasn’t an option, so he tried watching television, but that became boring and repetitive. He gave the radio a shot – particularly the talk shows – and that didn’t satisfy. He ventured into the World Wide Web, browsing an array of sites with different applications and readings; still, something was missing. The young man remained persistent in his quest.
While not being a quitter, conceding defeat appeared not only as the best option, but the last one remaining. A short time later, during a conversation with a female friend, he found himself providing a sort of counsel. Merely giving an account of a past experience and what he learned, it was just what she needed. Reliving that experience granted the young man a breath of fresh air.
It didn’t take long for him to realize his passion: examining his personal relationships as well as the interactions between other people. Finally, he learned his mission, how he was to utilize his gift. He had discovered his niche, his vision became clear, and A Bachelor’s Pad was born.
Welcome to A Bachelor’s Pad! A place where a man can be expressive; a place where he is gratified and uninhibited; a place of serenity; a place where he can be what no one else could be or forbade him from being….a place where he can be himself.
Now, if you will, walk with me….