Playing The Game
At some point or another, we’ve all been attracted to someone who was either in a relationship, almost in one or just getting out of one. Either way, they weren’t really up for grabs. For the sake of argument, say that person has expressed an interest in you as well…what do you do? Your first instinct probably tells you to go for it. You’re human, so you want what you want. Then your better half shows up and pumps the brakes. You’re then left to your own devices: are you going to resist temptation or try your hand and see what could become of it? If you choose the former, there are few, if any, imminent repercussions. But if you choose the latter, you must take heed to the rules behind what some consider being a “dirty game”.
Time after time, I’m subjected to the heartbroken, sob-stories from friends venting about someone they were seeing. It’s always the same story: they’re the victim of being too selfless while the other person is too selfish. The issue, however, varies from case to case; it can be a matter of consideration, time, sex, honesty, etc. What I’ve noticed is that it always boils down to a lack of commitment.
The story usually begins on a good note, reminiscing on how the two met and hit it off really well in the beginning. Eventually, they mention how their “special someone” was really someone else’s special someone. But by that time, deep feelings were already attached and it was too late to turn back. Now, I try to be fair and understanding, but when you know what you’re up against from the start, and you pursue it anyway, I won’t have much sympathy if things don’t turn out as you hoped. As adults, we are charged with making wise decisions when we’re in tough spots. You knew he/she was heavily involved with someone else; did you really think you were going to magically sweep them away? Or did you think you had more to offer than the person who has already established them self? 9 times out of 10, that is not going to happen, unless you’re a character in a Lifetime movie. Many have tried; fewer have succeeded…the odds just aren’t in your favor.
One piece o
f advice I often give to my friends is it’s your responsibility to protect yourself, particularly your heart. People tend to feel a sense of entitlement for others to treat them a certain way. Just because you give your all to someone doesn’t mean he/she is obligated to do the same in return. I’m not against dealing with someone who’s “spoken for”, but I certainly don’t encourage it. Putting yourself in this type of situation is a recipe for failure. You build yourself up and develop feelings only to end up empty-handed. Be it availability, intimacy, monetary, you should never give more to someone than they are willing to give you in return. Beware that when you play with fire, you are bound to get burned. When you play in a sea of sharks, you will get bitten. And if you….well, you get the picture. If you play the game, play it wisely.
She’s Just Not That Into You
You’ve probably seen or heard of the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” that came out in early 2009. It was written in the form of a visual guide for women; reenactments of different scenarios intending to portray how a woman could tell if a guy wasn’t feeling her. It was actually quite entertaining and fairly accurate in my opinion; I’d recommend seeing it if you haven’t already done so. But it got me to thinking about the different hints women drop when they aren’t into a man. There are quite a few, but I wanted to list several of them here. I think most of us can agree that lots of men tend to be oblivious when it comes to dating women. Hopefully, this will alleviate some of that “confusion”.
Limited/No Eye Contact
Question: have you ever met a woman who doesn’t want the person she’s seeing to pay attention to her? Of course not, because that woman doesn’t exist. All women appreciate some form of attention. And how else would she know you’re paying attention to her unless she looks at you? If ever you are on a date with a woman who has looked everywhere else but at you while you’re talking, trust and believe she wasn’t into you. Certain exceptions can be made if she’s shy, but even the shyest of females will periodically make eye contact.
One-Sided Conversations
I know this technically is an oxymoron, but it’s only used to make the point. If you find yourself talking considerably more than she is, AND she isn’t asking you any questions, then she isn’t interested. Women are inquisitive; they love to know things about their mates. And to know or learn, one must ask, correct? No questions/conversation = no interest.
Back to Back 1-Word Messages
I have a rule: say I’m trying to date someone. If I send her a series of messages and in return I receive three consecutive one-word responses, I’ll end the “convo” right there. It’s clear to me she has no intentions on indulging me, so why bother? If she was interested, she would have responded without such brevity. You’re probably asking: “well, what if she was busy at the time?” That’s a fair question, but if she’s into you, there would be some thoughtfulness like “hey, I’m working on something, but I will hit you back when I finish. K?” Oh, you didn’t get anything like that? Yeah, keep it moving…
The Classic “Bad Date Bailout Call”
This is actually one of my favorites as many guys don’t realize what hit them. It hasn’t happened to me, but I’ve seen it on several occasions. Face it, women like to talk about their lives. If she’s going on a date, at the very least, she told her best friend about it. The sequence of events goes something like this:
You two meet up >> some conversation is made >> food/drinks arrive >> she sends two or more text messages >> her phone rings shortly thereafter >> she suddenly has to leave, her best friend has an “emergency” >> you are left with food/drinks for two looking foolish >> {End Scene}
Being the gentleman you are, you try to check up on her a day or so later to make sure everything is OK, but you get no response. You’ve been had. The only exception would be if she called you back and apologized, explaining what happened. If she doesn’t, just let it go.
It took me some years to admit it, but women are much cleverer than men; which is why they get away with so much more than we do. Most men are so focused on “winning” they don’t realize when they’ve actually “lost”; often times before they even begin. What men typically overlook is two attributes that parallel female interest: connection and consideration. If she’s interested, you will feel the connection and she will show consideration. But I must tip my hat to the females; they definitely have one up on us in terms of dating-wittiness. I can only hope my fellow brethren will open his eyes in the future and notice if ever he’s positioned in one of these four quandaries.
