You know how most things in life can fall into two general categories? There are things that make sense where the what, why and how have an apparent rhyme & reason. Like music and sports, which serve as forms of entertainment. Or food and water, which keep us sustained. Then we have those things we struggle to understand. Like why people smoke cigarettes knowing the harm imposed on their bodies; not to mention how expensive of a habit it is. Or how about the message in this quote: “Seventy people catch the swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. Yet, millions of people have AIDS and still, no one wants to wear a condom.” What/who else falls into the second category?
After some thinking, I’ve decided women – and a lot of things they do – fall under the umbrella of things we don’t understand, with the collective “we” being us men. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had my share of irrational experiences with women. Below you’ll find several of those scenarios (in no ranking order) that stick out in my mind. See if you can relate to any of them:
1. Based-Beyoncé Stans
So many women around the globe are obsessed with Beyoncé. They call themselves her sister, best friend, cousin, or anything else that’s indicative of actually knowing her. They attempt to mimic her style of dress and dance routines. Women simply worship the ground upon which she walks. I’ll be the first to say it: Beyoncé is OVERRATED! The mere fact her name isn’t marked as incorrect in Microsoft Word bothers me. But it doesn’t matter; women will always be enamored by her – for whatever reason.
Apparently, some women wear provocative, attention-grabbing clothes intending to divert our attention. Wearing low cut shirts that practically show areolae and mini-skirts that expose more than 80% of their thighs, we, as men, are still expected to look away. We’re the crazy ones because we want to look. Right…
3) These Shoes Are Killing Me! (Repeat 5x)
I want to take this opportunity to applaud every woman who has ever tried on a pair of designer shoes and bought them knowing they were morbidly uncomfortable. But, it’s not even these women who bother me. It’s the women who repeatedly complain about their feet hurting while wearing them. Maybe, you should have thought about that in the store when your only concern was to look cute. There’s nothing cute about your complaining.
4. The Definition of No = Yes
Have you ever gotten into it with your girl, and later on check to see if she’s okay? You ask: “baby, are you still mad at me?” Chances are if she says “no”, she really means “yes fool, I am pissed!” It could even be worse than during the argument. But why not just say what you really feel to begin with? I guess, as mom would say, “that would be too much like right.”
I read this quote that made me think: “Give him a hard time and a [man] will chase you around the world.” It’s sad, yet true in most cases. I just don’t think we should be expected to jump through rings of fire to show our interest Yes, men live for the “chase”, but some women take it way too far. Then they get upset when we explore “alternatives” and say things like “why is he talking to her? She’s not even cute!” or “oh, so he’s just going to talk to Becky over there?” Well, if you were more reasonable and realistic, things might be different. Just a little food for thought…
6. Artificial Hair >>> Real Hair
For the record, I don’t necessarily dislike fake hair. In cases when it looks nice and enhances her look, I’m all for it. I just don’t get the women who cut their hair to sew in Seabiscuit’s or those who shave their eyebrows only to draw artificial facial expressions. Like, why???
7. “Women love a*holes with beards.” – Unknown
I’m just full of quotes today, but this is another one that speaks to my soul. So many women SAY what they want their ideal mate to be. Yet who they date are far from that, being broke, dishonest, cheaters who clearly have nothing going for them. Oh wait – I take that back. They have SWAG. My bad…
Whether you’re just casually dating or in a serious relationship, petty arguments are typically unavoidable. But who is usually the catalyst behind them? Without a doubt, it’s the woman. Why do we need to spend an hour discussing how I left the toilet seat up at MY place? Or about why I ignore phone calls when we’re together when they’re actually from my MOTHER? Go ahead, I’ll wait…
9. Hi, I’m a Woman and I’m Allergic to Punctuality
In all of my days, I have only met a select few women who were routinely on-time for things. The rest couldn’t make it on-time if their lives depended on it. It must be something in estrogen that hinders them…yep, that’s it. I’m convinced.
So what’s the point of this list? I literally just subjected you to an 860 word rant without offering any real explanation or solutions. Well, that’s because nothing I say will help you change their way of thinking or even help you understand why women are the way they are. However, here is a bit of advice: the next time you find yourself attempting to rationalize anything above or any others I left off, just stop. Save yourself the time and brain matter. In 26 years, I’m just realizing women are only meant to be understood by themselves. But since there are many guys who haven’t been able to grasp that concept, I felt the need to share. Good luck, gentleman!